I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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