Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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