all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize