He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize