Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
