Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
