yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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