the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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