I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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