i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
