Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
