Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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