she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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