At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
