Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
