So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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