i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
