shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize