I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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