How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize