PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
