Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
