I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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