Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
