Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize