Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
