next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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