your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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