Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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