I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
