Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
