and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
