Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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