why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
