apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
