The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
