Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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