Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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