Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
