Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
