just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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