you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
