guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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