i don't plan on having that self control this summer
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
