You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
