I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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