I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
