So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
