You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
