I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
