from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ugly people sure do ruin things
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
