Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
