That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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