i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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