Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
3pm strippers are depressing
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
