New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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