with your own penis?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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