At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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