My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
