High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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