I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
