he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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