How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
