this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
