I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
