Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
