We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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