why do cheetos always look like penises
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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