We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
