tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
