I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
