I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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