farters have to be the big spoon...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
