I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
