where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
