Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
