Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
