She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
