dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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