ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
