If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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