Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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